


First of all, What the fuck?

by Wolf_Child23



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Bad Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Depression, Desire Demons (Dragon Age), Fluff and Angst, Gay Male Character, Humor as a coping mechanism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Memes, Modern Boy in Thedas, Modern Character in Thedas, Paganism, Self-Insert, Suicidal Thoughts, father figure Solas, he's chill though, idk who to pair oc with yet, oc is very gay, rated mature cause language and maybe sex later?, there's now a cat, transgender OC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:28:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 21,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22645663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolf_Child23/pseuds/Wolf_Child23
Summary: You know one of those days when you're like "This might as well happen?"Never expected any of this to happen, but what can you do?
Relationships: Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, To be determined as the story progresses
Comments: 89
Kudos: 191





	1. "Deer" God

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this is just a massive self insert, the main character is basically me. His name is Marco (nickname my bff gave me) and is 19

So, I wasn’t expecting my Monday to be amazing but this really took the cake. It started off normal enough: I woke up at 6:30 a.m., lied there for about 20 minutes before finally getting up, tried to find my binder then remember it was in the laundry so I had no choice but to go tits out (thank god for Asian genetics giving me a small chest), got dressed, fed the dog, ate some toast, sat on the couch with doggo for an hour before heading to the bus stop for work. It’s cold as fuck, as expected for Canada. I had my headphones on, just listening to some music. I’m a pretty paranoid person (I mean, a lot of the time I see things out of the corner of my eye so…), so whenever I go out anywhere I’m constantly looking around. It gets pretty bad sometimes, not gonna lie. Of course, whenever I pass by someone, I just look down to the floor to avoid eye contact. 

Now, in my defense, I don’t look down when crossing the street since that’s just stupid. I may be passively suicidal, but I don’t want to traumatize some random driver just trying to exist. Which is why I take no responsibility for what happened. What happened? I got hit by a fucking semi. Ever got hit by a car? It fucking hurts. Thankfully, I think I passed out seconds after it happened since when I woke up, nothing hurt at all. In fact I felt incredibly light. Wait, that’s probably not a good thing is it?

I slowly pried myself off the ground (which was white for some reason), stood up and took in my surroundings: just a whole lot of white and nothing. So, I’m either in a dream or I’m dead. I hope I’m dead honestly. I kept looking around, kinda starting to panic since I had no fucking clue where I was. After around 10 seconds of having a small panic attack (which involves me scratching my face and head, I would have cried but crying is hard now thanks to testosterone) I hear the sound of hooves (?) coming from behind me. I look and see a buck walking towards me. It was a really pretty looking buck too, with large antlers on top of his head. 

“Hey there,” I say softly, hands slowly stopping the scratching (there’s definitely blood oops.) I absolutely adore deer, second to wolves. I don’t know why, there’s just something so peaceful about them. I also had an incredibly magical experience with a doe a few years back as well. 

“Hello.” the buck said. Wait.

Hold up.

I couldn’t even get words out so all that came out my mouth was a bunch of random noises that vaguely sounded like words, my hands just pointing at him. The buck blinked at me. Finally, I calmed down enough to form sentences.

“Why the fuck - no how the fuck are you talking and why do you sound like Arthur Morgan?” it’s true, he did sound like Arthur. 

“I thought his voice and this form would keep you calm. Seems I was wrong.” he said, sounding kind of amused. I vigorously shake my head and hands.

“No no don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to hear a familiar voice. I just didn’t expect it to be one of my video game crushes. But seriously, how the fuck are you talking? You sir, are a deer.” 

“What do you think?” he asked, tilting his head. I gave it a think for a couple seconds when it hit me (ha)-

“I’m dead, aren’t I?” I said softly, slowly wrapping my arms around myself. The buck nodded. I inhaled sharply and shut my eyes tightly. I hugged myself as tightly as I could. I felt my eyes burn but I just couldn’t cry. I heard the buck come close and felt his nose nudge my shoulder. That got me. I flung my arms around his neck and just buried my face into it. 

“Fuck, and I still can’t cry.” I let out a maniacal laugh, which is what I’d been doing when I wanted to cry back when I… was alive I guess. “This is so stupid. I wanted to die, why am I sad?” I already knew the answer to that and so did the buck, so neither of us answered my question.

“Would you like to try again?” he asked me. 

“Try again?” 

“You can have a second chance at life, however it will not be the same world you know.” 

I pondered this. Honestly, I feel like regardless of me being reborn or not, I’d still be depressed. Eh fuck it, I got nothing to lose.

“Sure, I’m sure people back home will forget about me in a year.” I said, the little voice in my head telling me that was true. I heard the buck huff out a breath that sounded oddly disapproving (I swear I saw a Buck Disapproves in the corner of my eye) and slowly removed himself from my grasp. I let out a noise of sadness at the loss of contact (fuck I’m so touched starved it isn’t funny), but let my arms come back around myself again. The buck looked at me very seriously.

“Before I let you go, is there anything you wish you can have in your next life?” I didn’t even hesitate.

“The correct body parts please. And maybe my belongings I had with me when I.. you know.” said belongings were my MP3 player, my headphones, my phone, my satchel covered in random pins (mostly pride related), my sketchbook and pencils. He nodded to me.

“As you wish.” there was a flash of light and where the buck stood was now what looked like a spirit, kind of what the wraiths look like in Dragon Age. Before I could even say anything, everything went black and I was falling. 

Xxxxx

  
  
  


The first thing I notice is that it smells like grass. The next thing I notice is that it’s warm. I groan and sit up. I’m sitting next to a river or stream with rocks surrounding me. It looks familiar but my focus is immediately shifted to my body. I grab my chest. It was flat. There weren’t any lumps. I slowly look down between my legs. There… was something there. I slowly reach down and cup the area and HOLY SHIT I FEEL SOMETHING. 

“I have a penis.” I say in awe. I scramble to pull my pants down (not completely) and lo and behold, that’s a penis. I feel like I could cry, but of course I can’t cause fuck you testosterone (not really I love you). I fix my pants and rush to the river to see my reflection. I have the same brown hair, although now it’s more shaggy than before and I still have the small beard on my chin. My eyes have gone from dark brown to bright red to my shock. The bags under my eyes haven’t gone anywhere but frankly that doesn’t bother me, not when I have a motherfucking dick! I want to scream “I FINALLY HAVE A DICK” but if I’m where I think I am, I don’t think it’d be the smartest decision. I know I’m pretty stupid but not that stupid. I finally look at what I’m wearing and I’m pleased to see that I’m just wearing a simple medieval light purple tunic with a brown belt and matching brown medieval pants. They’re incredibly comfortable. 

I walk back to where I woke up and grab my satchel. I notice sadly that my pins were gone, but I guess having a pin that say “Big Gay” with a trans flag behind it is a bad idea. Inside are the items I had with me when I died. I turn on my phone and see that it’s at… infinity battery and incredibly good wifi? Huh, well I’m not complaining. I switch on my MP3 player and it also has infinity battery as well. Hitching my satchel and putting my headphones around my neck, I finally take a good look around. My suspicion was confirmed: I’m in the fucking Hinterlands from Dragon Age Inquisition. Fan-fucking-tastic. I point to the overleveled rift nearby. 

“I see you bitch.” First time I played Inquisition, I got my ass handed to me from that rift. Unfortunately, I know that to my right is the mind controlled wolf den (poor babies) so I decide to go to where Druffy the Druffalo should be if the Inquisitor and company haven’t done that side mission yet. Fuck, I’m going in this completely in the dark aren’t I? I have no idea what their gender is, what race they are and how far into it they are. All I’m hoping is that they aren’t a total douche canoe and chose the “good choices”. You know, like saving the Chargers and just overall not being a dick. With a sigh, I start my walk to Druffy. Then I see a long ass stick that I obviously must have nearby. 

“I shall name you “Stonks”” I say as I pick it up. No one is going to get my jokes, I soon realise which sucks since I use humor as a coping mechanism. Oh well. I hug the rocks to avoid the OP rift as much as possible since I highly doubt mister Stag God gave me any powers or anything (god I hope he didn’t). Thankfully the demons are just chilling by the river minding their own business so I make it to the ravine where Druffy should be. 

I’ve never seen a buffalo in real life, but I do know how massive they are and hooooly shit are Druffalo not an exception. Miss Druffy is one chunky large girl. I approach her slowly so I don’t startle her more than she already was. 

“Hey there girl, it’s okay.” I soothe as I get closer. As much as I want to give her pets, she’s still a massive animal who could do a hell of a lot of damage to me if she pleased. But to my surprise, Druffy comes right up to me and just starts snuffling into my chest. I’m not the shorted guy around (5’7) but if she held up her head, my shoulders would match her head height.  
  


“Uh,” is my intelligent reply to her. Soon though I rub her head with my free hands. Very thick coarse fur. The magical moment doesn’t last long because soon I hear the dreaded sound of scuttling. I nearly forgot there were massive fucking spiders in most video games. I spin around to face the massive fuckers coming towards us. I raise my stick. 

“DON’T COME AT ME I HAVE STONKS!” Did I make my battle cry a quote from one of my favorite streamers? Yes, yes I did. But before I could start hitting them, they froze. Literally froze from ice. God please let the culprit of the ice magic be from the Inquisition and not rebel mages. 

“MAKER TAKE YOU!” 

Oh thank god.


	2. Mage? Nah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> meeting the main 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda short sorry, I'm tired and I had motivation at 11 pm.

Okay, note to self, stay far away from exploding spiders in the future unless I want to be covered in spider guts. Thankfully I’m far enough away to avoid the carnage. Cassandra, not so much. I cling closely to Druffy as Cassandra completely demolishes the frozen spiders single handedly. She’s such a badass holy shit. It’s even cooler up close. Now she’s wiping her face to get rid of the sweat and spider guts and she’s coming towards me with her sword - 

Haha, I’m in danger. 

I grip Stonks with both hands and prepare to defend myself, which probably wouldn’t do anything since she has a sword, but before I get shish kabobed, sweet Druffy steps in front of me to defend me. I honestly feel like crying because ah this sweet animal is defending me! Now I can’t see shit but I can hear Cassandra skid to a halt and more footsteps approaching, which I’m assuming is the rest of the party. 

“Well, it seems we found our lost friend.” the voice of Varric says. Oh I hope we get along. I can tell stories from Youtubers I watch. Since Varric is here, I can assume that the Herald hasn’t gone to discount France yet, or they don’t like Sera. Whenever I unlock Sera, I almost always have her in my party since she’s hilarious. I hope we get along too but I feel like she’ll be freaked out from my phone and shit. Not like I can hide my stuff since one: Leliana and two: I need my music to cope and decompress. Plus I’m probably going to get incredibly overstimulated wherever I go. 

I slowly peak around Druffy to see who’s there. Cassandra, looking hella pissed, Varric, chest hair looking fabulous, Egg Man himself, leaning on his staff, and the Herald. The Herald is a human (lowkey disappointed not gonna lie) who I think is a warrior since they have a sword and shield. Their hair is blond and styled in a bob and they’re wearing armor (obviously). We make eye contact and I duck back behind Druffy, feeling my anxiety spike. Fucking nice. I fiddle with the cord from my headphones and focus on breathing. 

“Wonder whose hiding?” I hear Varric say. 

“It’s possible that he is responsible for the druffalo’s disappearance.” I hear Solas say in response. 

“Rude and uncalled for.” I call from behind Druffy. I hear Varric laugh. 

“Whatever the reason, we can’t leave any apostates left unchecked. You! Step away from the druffalo!” a feminine voice I don’t recognise says. I assume it’s the Herald. Slowly, I step around Druffy and face the people I’ve come to love from afar. Hold up a sec, apostate? 

“Uh, I’m not an apostate?” I say since I’m 90% sure I’m not a mage. I didn’t ask anything specific from the Deer God so there’s a good chance he actually made me a mage. God I hope not, that’s like such a cliche in fanfiction (I still love them though). I can see Cassandra and The Herald ™ pressing X to doubt really hard. I guess it doesn’t help I’m still clutching Stonks like my life depends on it. Oops. 

“Then why did you prepare your staff for an attack?!” Cassandra asks, kinda pissed off. I didn’t realise that just holding a stick in a certain way was a threat here. 

“Seeker, do a Smite on him.”  The Herald ™ says before I can answer. Oh boy oh shit. I can feel myself getting a panic attack since in every fanfiction I’ve read, the Smite is incredibly painful for the mage. I squeeze my eyes shut as I see Cassandra prepping for it. 

“Isn’t that a little unnecessary? I mean, he’s just a kid.” Thank you Varric, exactly. I may be physically nineteen years old, but I sure as hell ain’t mature. I guess he gets ignored cause next thing I know, I feel a whoosh of cold ass air breeze past me. I do a full body shiver and twitch a few times before I open my eyes. I jump as I feel Miss Druffy nosing at my ass again and give her pets as Cassandra and  The Herald ™ look a bit surprised at me. 

“Told you.” I say with a shaky grin, still recovering from my small panic attack. Thing about me is, I get panic attacks quite often and easily. It’s not fun at all, but I recover decently fast as long as I have something to distract myself with. I hold up Stonks, “This is just a stick I found.” 

Varric walks past the rest and towards me. He gives me a friendly smile. 

“What’s your name, Sticks?” Is that my nickname? Eh, could be worse. I smile and pick at my face.

“My name is Marco.” 


	3. W.A.N.K

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We reach discount France

The next few days are a blur of moving and interrogation. Cassandra and the Herald (who is called Eve) apparently didn’t believe that I’m not a mage and I couldn’t give a good explanation why I was by myself in the Hinterlands when all the shit was going down. So they took me to Haven and I got interrogated by the one and only Leliana and hoooooo boy is she intimidating. Thankfully, I managed to make up my life story on the way to Haven: I was born in a small village in the North (like Solas hehehe), so small that it wasn’t even on the map, that was destroyed during the Blight. My parents and I traveled around trying to find somewhere safe but a year ago they were killed by bandits. I only survived because I was chilling alone in a tree when it happened. It got kinda awkward when Eve said I didn’t seem very broken up by their recent deaths and I blurted out that they shouldn’t have had children which should say what kind of parents they were. It was very quiet after that and I was kicking myself for saying anything. 

Anyhoo

I couldn’t really say what my phone and MP4 player are so obviously that was suspicious as hell. They demanded I show them how it works (I got rid of anything Dragon Age related on my phone aka fanfiction. I also made it into “swipe to unlock” and changed my background photo to a drawing of Kieran Duffy and Arthur Morgan hugging I did for Valentines day) and they freaked out from it, understandably. Cullen tried to smash it with his fist and I idiotically covered it with my hand so now I have a massive ass bruise (he didn’t apologise). For some reason, they decided it would be a good idea for me to go to discount France with the squad but I think it’s because I mentioned I hate large crowds so I think this is Leliana’s way of saying “Fuck you and your feelings” to me. The icing on the cake is that she said that they were going to keep my things hidden until they’re 100% sure they can trust me. First off, rude. Second, understandable have a nice day. They let me keep Stonks though, mostly because I said my knees are actual shit and had evidence to back it up (my knees locked up and I collapsed right as we entered the Chantry).

The journey to Val Royeaux wasn’t too bad, other than Varric puking out his intestines the entire time (which sucked for me since I have emetophobia) and it wasn’t long until we were walking through the golden gates of hell - sorry Val Royeaux, the masked woman screamed at us and everything. It was just like the game: enter the main area and see the Mother preaching her ass off, she gets decked and oily turd comes and is all “Blah blah blah my dick is tiny blah”. The only thing that was different, was there was a cat. 

I was just dissociating and scratching the fuck out of my face since there were so many people and Cassandra and Eve don’t care about my wellbeing (don’t blame them honesetly), Solas and Varric can’t do much either which was understandable. But I notice this grey cat walking through the crowd and come to a stop at my feet. It starts rubbing its face against my legs and I honestly feel like crying. I crouch down and sit on my legs and it climbs right on up, making itself right at home. She (I don’t feel any balls on her and I’m eighty percent sure castration on animals isn’t a thing at this time period) looks up at me with her green eyes and blinks slowly. I’m still trying to process the fact that she actually exists. 

Now, before I came to this world, I used to have dreams of this grey cat. She would just be in them and I would act like I’ve known her my whole life. And now she’s actually here. 

“Chise?*” I say softly to her, petting her body. She purrs at me and butts her head into my chest. I make a sound (“hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” high pitched) which causes Varric to look over. 

“Made a new friend there, Sticks?” he asks, even without looking I can tell he’s smiling. I’m overwhelmed at the fact that this cat chose me so all I can do is nod. Out of nowhere I feel a chill which causes me to whip my head around to see Solas with a glowy hand.    
  


“You were bleeding.” is all he says when I look at him. I mouth thank you to him since now Oily Turd is walking away with all the Templars and now it’s going back to on script. I go to stand up and Chise clambers onto my shoulders and curls around them, making herself comfortable. I put my hand on her head and the four of us go back to the Herald and Cassandra. 

Soon enough, we’re scouring the area for red things and Eve gets a couple invitations, both involving mages: Vivienne and Fiona. With how Eve acts towards Solas and to me when she thought I was a mage, I can guess that she won’t bother with Fiona. Not sure about Vivienne but I kinda hope she gets requited. I may not agree with everything Vivienne says, but I do respect her. Plus she’s just hella cool (pun intended). 

We grab food at an overpriced café and make our way to where we meet Sera. I’m hoping I’ll have a chance to say a stupid joke when we meet. Me, being an useless idiot with a busted hand, stay far away from all the fighting but I can’t stop laughing since all the soldiers have their dicks out. I can hear Sera losing her shit too which only makes me laugh harder (“WHY DIDN’T YOU TAKE THEIR WEAPONS?!” “CAUSE NO BREECHES!!”) Soon, all the soldiers are dead and I find my opening. 

“So, you’re the Herald right?” Sera asks.

“Yes, and we’re part of the Inqui-” Eve starts. 

“The Workers And National Kinsman will not be stopped!” I yell from my spot on a crate. 

“”Workers And National Ki-” oh for Makers sake.” Varric starts before he and Sera lose their shit laughing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Chise is pronounced "Chee-Seh" 
> 
> I've legit had dreams of this cat, call me crazy all you want


	4. Ehhhhh....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hang with Sera and eat food

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, also cant believe all this corona virus shit is happening. stay safe ya'll!

"No no, so what you should do is take their underthings and soak it in rashvine juice. Just imagine the pain in their nether regions!" I suggested to Sera. 

Currently, Eve is off to Vivienne's salon with Cassandra accompanying her. The rest of us (Solas, Varric, and Sera) are just hanging out at a hotel(?) that Vivienne reserved for us.

To my surprise, Sera and I are getting along really well. Once I reassured her that I'm not a mage and that Stonks is just a stick, she just kind of latched onto me. I think she just wants to be around someone close to her age since most of this group is close to age 30 (except Solas who is probably closer to 5000). Sera lit up when I told her I'm 19 and she gushed how she's turning 22 soon so got that to look forward to. Solas probably had something to do with her talking to me since he foolishly mentioned how I have a crude sense of humor. We're having a bit of a slumber party in my room (which is massive by the way) and thinking of ways to fuck with the nobles. Sera suggested anything and everything using bees and I just had to butt in.

"You do realise that bees die soon after stinging someone right?"

"Get off?"

"No seriously. So instead of bees, why not use wasps? Or hornets! Hornets hurt more." Sera pondered this information then an evil grin slowly appeared on her face. 

"Why not both? That'd be  _ even _ worse!" we both cackle at that. I flop onto my back, still giggling. The bed is soooo comfortable; it feels like I could just sink into it. I hear Chise "Mrrp?" as I do so but she doesn't get up from her pillow on the bed. 

"So, why's your hand all banged up?" Sera asks me, crawling towards Chise and proceeding to bury her face into her belly. I hold up my bruised hand to my face. 

"Tried to stop someone from destroying something important to me." I say, rolling onto my belly so I can see Sera. She lifts her head up and sits up with Chise on her lap. 

"Wot and Miss Lady Bits would just let them do that?" I laugh. 

"To be fair, they'd never seen anything like it before." At this point, I highly doubt I'll ever get my phone back so I see no point in trying to explain it. I know that someday I'll have to tell everyone that I'm not from Thedas, but I'm not ready for that conversation. 

Speaking of conversations, ours ends there since a servant comes to the room to let us know we’re being summoned for dinner. Sera, Chise and I follow the servant to the dining area; Sera humming, Chise purring on my shoulder, and me using Stonks as a walking stick since my knees are getting worse. Once we get there, I see Solas, Varric, Vivienne, and Miss Herald already seated. I can tell Solas isn’t really having a good time since he’s eyeing the servants (especially the elven ones) with sadness. Varric pats the seat next to him and I go over while Sera plops down next to Eve, who looks at her with disdain. Yeah, I’m slowly starting to dislike “Miss Lady Bits”, as Sera called her. Dinner was pretty quiet. Vivienne intimidates me so I don’t really add anything to the conversation so I start to dissociate. No one pays me no mind which I’m grateful for, but I think Varric gave me concerned looks throughout the evening. I wouldn’t know since I was completely far away in my head. The food is pretty good (steak and veg) and I eat as fast as I can so I can go back to my room. I’m waaaaaay too overstimulated and I just want to flop onto the bed and cuddle Chise. 

The rest of dinner blur past and before I know it, I’m back in my room. With a running start, I bellyflop onto the bed; Chise following close by. I sigh deeply and slowly sit up and remove my clothes. It’s pretty warm so I strip and go over to grab some underwear. After changing, I head over to the mirror in the corner and look at myself. I see my hairy legs, my “treasure trail”, and chest hair. Even before coming here, I was already a hairy guy but seeing my flat chest with hair is something else. On a sadder note, I look at the scars all over my legs, arms, hips and stomach. I trace a finger over a patch of scars on my hip. 

“No more, okay?” I say to my reflection. I have a feeling I’m going to break that promise. Oh well. 

I flop onto the bed and to my surprise, pass out immediately. 

When I open my eyes, I’m sitting in a field of roses and grass. I know I’m dreaming since I know for a fact I just passed out in a hotel. I’m also still just in my underwear for some reason but that doesn’t really bother me. 

“Mrrp.” I hear. I look at my lap and see Chise curled up. How the hell did I not notice her?

“I guess even in this world you follow me into my dreams huh?” I say to her, scratching between her ears. She looks up at me but immediately looks past me and starts growling. Before I can look at what’s making her pissed, I hear him.

“”This world?”” Solas says behind me. 

Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. 

(Distantly I hear what I’m assuming is a Desire Demon shouting “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A CHAINSAW IS BUT IF YOU LET ME IN I’LL MAKE IT HAPPEN!) 


	5. Let it out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I meet the Desire Demon

Well, I’m right fucked aren’t I? 

There’s Solas, staring at me (menacingly), Chise is now hissing at him, and there’s what I’m assuming is a Desire Demon here too. 

“I see your feline companion is agitated by my presence.” Solas says, frowning. 

I have a few options: commit Sepuku, lie, or throw Solas for a loop. I go with option C. I gently gather Chise into my arms and stand up. Awkwardly, I remember I’m still basically naked and my self harm scars are all visible so I imagine myself wearing a baggy hoodie and sweatpants. It worked. Solas looks considerably less uncomfortable now as well. I take a deep breath and look at the cat in my arms

“I guess she doesn’t like wolves very much, Fen.” I hear him inhale sharply and suddenly there’s a cold wind. I shut my eyes and curl around Chise as it passes us. As the air settles, I look at where Solas was; he was gone. I exhale deeply. 

“Well fuck, I might have pissed off the Dread Wolf.” I regret opening my fucking mouth. 

“I can help you, you know?” a sultry male voice says directly behind me. I shriek and whip around. Standing there is the Desire Demon I heard earlier. They have the body of a male, with spiraling horns and flames for hair. Of course they got the fucking gold plates covering the nips and a cloth to cover their genitals. Not to be a monster fucker on main but if I wasn’t worried they’d fuck me over, I’d totally smash. Surprisingly, Chise isn’t agitated by their presence. In fact, she gave them one look, yawned, and proceeded to go find a spot to nap. 

“I’ll pretend I know what you mean by that, “ They say, sounding amused. Well shit they can read my mind; explains why they heard my chainsaw thought. They give a toothy smirk.

“Yes, about that… if you can show me what a chain-saw is, I’ll fulfill that desire of yours.” I unfreeze.

“Okay, first off, what are your pronouns? Second, it’s just a saying. I don’t actually want to be fucked gently by a chainsaw.” 

“Male pronouns work just fine, and why don’t you just show me what a chainsaw is? I’ll be the judge of it.” I look at him like he’s crazy. 

“You asked for it.” I say, then I imagine I’m holding a chainsaw. I imagine the weight of it, the smell, the sound. Before I know it, I’m holding a chainsaw. 

“What the-” before the Demon can finish his sentence, I crank the chainsaw and it comes to life. I feel badass with it, not gonna lie. The demon seems to think so too.

“What the FUCK!” he shrieks, leaping away and looking like he’s about to piss himself. I turn off the chainsaw and walk towards him. 

“How long have you been Desire?” I ask, cause frankly I highly doubt experienced Desire Demons would lose their shit this easily, regardless of the circumstances. Desire flushes a deep purple, crosses his arms and looks away. Wait, is he pouting? 

“That is irrelevant information. Just tell me your desires and I can make it happen if you let me possess you.” He says, not looking at me and still pouting. 

“Okay. I want to stop being passively suicidal.”

“Wh-”

“I want to forget the trauma I’ve gone through. I want to be able to help everyone with their issues. I want my body to not fall apart. I want to meet the love of my life. I want to actually like myself. I want to not be touch starved anymore. I want to tell the people who took advantage of me to go die. Tell me, can you do any of that legitimately? Without the use of manipulation and magic?” Wow I’m venting to a fucking Desire Demon. I must be so desperate. He looks at me with a weird look.

“Shit, are you okay?” well that broke me. 

Before I know it, I’m collapsed onto the ground and sobbing. All the frustration I have, all the anger, all the sadness I’ve been bottling up is being freed. Part of me just wants to let Desire possess me so I can just stop thinking. I know I was given another chance by that Deer God Spirit thing, but damn it I’m so tired. The weeks I’ve spent at Haven were hell. I was looked at like a freak, with my strange possessions and my stick. My comfort items were taken away and probably destroyed. I tried speaking up for elves being mistreated but I was just brushed aside. I tried helping but I was just useless. Useless useless useless useless useless useless - 

I jump as I feel a hand on my back and I lean into it as I sobbed. 

“Let it all out, sweetheart.” Desire says, rubbing my back and placing his other hand on my shoulder. At this point, I don’t care if I get possessed. I just need fucking comfort. 

“I realise I never answered your question.” Desire says suddenly, still rubbing my back. 

“You’re right, I became Desire not long ago. Five years ago actually. You’re actually the first person I’ve attempted to make a deal with.” 

“That sounds like some bullshit.” I say hoarsely, slowly calming down but tears still flowing.

“It’s true. No one else seemed interesting. Just the same old desires: sex, money, power, yada yada yada. You though? Your strongest desire is to be genuinely loved, which frankly wasn’t interesting to me at first but then I sensed something off about you. It makes sense to me now though. You aren’t from this world are you?” 

I slowly shake my head, hugging my knees to my chest and stare at nothing. Desire hummed.

“I used to be a Spirit of Love, you know? I became Desire because some noble wanted her husband to truly love her, but the way she did it was beyond fucked. She forced me to make him love her. It wasn’t very nice.” he says sadly. I glance at him. He has a far away look, probably reminiscing. I wipe my nose and sniffle. The tears finally stopped. 

“I’m still not going to let you possess me.”

“Heh, didn’t think so.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this became a vent chapter I apologies. I've been having a rough time so I kinda took it out in this chapter :/


	6. Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco spills the beans to Solas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so Im gonna be honest, my mental health has taken a bit of a turn for the worse (namely i feel completely numb and apathetic) but i'll still be updating, also next chapter will have a drawing of what Marco looks like

I woke up after that. I blink the sleep out of my eyes and sit up. Chise paws at my arm and gives a concerned meow. I pat her head and get up from the bed. I know I need to talk to Solas about everything, and to say I’m not a threat to him. I change into a nightshirt that goes to my calves and make my way to the door. I feel claws on my back and soon enough Chise is curled around my neck. I can tell she isn’t pleased since she has a grumpy look on her adorable face. 

I navigate my way around the hotel and all too soon I find myself in front of Solas’ room. I breathe in deeply and knock. I hear a curt “come in” and I open the door. Inside, Solas is sitting on his bed (which is also fucking huge might I add) with a blank look on his face. He’s also wearing a nightshirt. Immediately I feel Chise growl quietly and I kinda regret bringing her but ya boy needs his comfort. I tightly grip my right arm and exhale. 

“Solas, I’m so sorry for saying what I did in the Fade. I panicked and I didn’t have any other good words to say and I don’t know what else to say except I’m so fucking sorry.” I ramble out. He still has no emotion on his face. 

“I won’t tell anyone your secret if that’s what you’re worried about! It’s not my secret to tell.” I can feel a panic attack coming but I calm down slightly as Chise starts to purr and rub her face on mine. Solas still doesn’t say anything, but he gestures that I sit next to him on the bed. I stumble over and sit next to him. We sit in silence for a bit, with him staring ahead and me staring at my knees. 

“In the Fade, when you said “this world”?” he finally asked. I giggled nervously, scratching my neck.

“Yeah, I’m not from here. Which is also how I know you’re the Dread Wolf.” He inhales sharply.

“How?” 

“Well, it’s a long story.”   
  
“The night is still young.”

The next hour or so is filled with me telling Solas how I died (with a lot of explaining on what a car is) and how I got to Thedas. He’s taking it surprisingly well so far. He raises an eyebrow when I tell him about the Deer God Spirit thing but he doesn’t interrupt. He’s incredibly accepting when I tell him about me being trans in my past life (“Many spirits prefer gender neutral pronouns and many switch genders”) and actually pats my shoulder when I express how happy I was when I learned I had the right body (thankfully Chise migrated to my lap so he didn’t get scratched). 

“Be that as it may,” he says after I finish, “This does not explain how you know about my identity.”

“Okay, so, um,” I say, trying to find the right words so I don’t royally fuck this up, “The story of the Inquisition is pretty popular back home. And near the end, your identity is revealed.” 

To say Solas is shocked would be an understatement. 

“You mean to tell me that you are aware of the events that will take place?”

“....yes?” 

And the next hour was filled with me trying to explain that no, I can’t tell him how it all ends cause if I did, things could get a hundred times worse than they already were. 

“Look, I’ll tell you this much,” I say finally, “The fucker that blew the hole in the sky gets what's coming to him. I won’t tell you how or when but he does get yeeted.”

“”Yeeted?”” 

“Nevermind that. Solas, it’s so important that you understand this: Nothing said from this room can leave or else I'm as good as dead. I understand if you don’t care but I’m literally begging you-”

“I do care, da’len,” Solas interrupts, “I understand. It is not my secret to tell.” the fucker quoted me. All the same, I sag with relief and smile at him.

“One day I’ll tell everyone my secret, but not anytime soon.”

“Do you not think that is unwise?”   
  


“I’ll only say that I’m not from Thedas, nothing about what knowing what happens. Can you imagine what Cassandra or Leliana would do if they found out?” I shudder. Solas chuckles. 

I say goodnight to Solas after that and make my way back to my room, Chise padding beside me. 

“Well shit, I didn’t tell Solas about Desire.”

  
  


I couldn’t fall back asleep so I passed the time jumping on the bed. It was almost time to go anyway. I hear a knock on the door a hour(?) later. I say come in and Varric opens the door. He laughs when he sees me jumping. 

“Sorry to take you away from your fun Sticks, it’s time to go.” I nod and grab my clothes as Varric closes the door.

I grab my satchel, Stonks and let Chise jump onto my shoulder as I make my way out my room. I head to the entrance of the hotel and wave at everyone already there. Sera perks up and tosses me a roll of bread which I catch and immediately munch on. 

“Today we leave for Haven so if there’s anything you still need from Val Royeaux, do it now.” Eve says all commanding like. As I think about how I don’t have money, Sera grabs my arm and drags me out the door. I stumble as I’m pulled to the market area, which is already filled with people. Sera gives me a few silvers (“Can pay me back later”) and runs off to look at the weapons. I head over to the sweets stand cause I’m always a slut for chocolate. Unfortunately chocolate is hella expensive here and I still want to see if I can buy a sketchbook so I settle for a couple little cakes (and buy Solas one as a peace offering cause I still can’t tell if he’s chill now). I place them in my bag and look for a stand that might have drawing supplies. I find one and spend the rest of my money on a sketchbook, charcoal, and a knife. 

“You done?” Sera says, jogging up to me with her bags full of stuff she bought. I nod and we make our way back to the group who were waiting at the gates. Eve looks at us with disgust (no surprise there) and commands that we leave. I walk next to Solas and hand him a cake. He looks at me in surprise and maybe amusement? 

“Peace offering.” is all I say before eating my cake. 


	7. Marco Reference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> our protagonist


	8. pairings once again (will delete later)

Okay, thank you for the comments! I've read them and narrowed down the pairing to be either Iron Bull or Cole (I have something planned for Desire *evil laugh*), please note that if I go with Cole there will be absolutely no sexual content with him. So, I'd love it if you guys would vote for who you'd prefer! 


	9. Vivienne and Nugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco makes a discovery

After another hellish boat ride (Sera was no help, kept on making vomiting noises to make me sick), we made it back to Haven. Sera ran off to the tavern as soon as she could with Varric not far off, Solas went to his cabin, Chise disappeared into the forest outside of Haven, Eve, Cassandra, and Vivienne headed to the Chantry. Which left me left to wonder what was going to happen next. I know that Eve will have to decide whether to help the Templars or Mages soon, and that she had the choice to recruit Iron Bull and Blackwall. 

Speaking of Iron Bull, I see the one and only Krem de la Créme hanging around the Chantry (I didn’t even notice I walked over here what the fuck). I debate whether to approach him or not but before I can make a choice, we make eye contact. I inhale and approach him. 

“Hello, do you need help? You look a bit lost.” I say, smiling nervously. Damn he’s more handsome than I imagined. Back when I was still trans, I copied his hairstyle and everything. 

“I’ve got a message, but I’ve been having trouble getting anyone to talk to me.” Krem says, smiling at me. Okay don’t fanboy Marco. 

“Maybe I can help? What’s the message?” I ask. Krem looks a bit surprised but grins widely. 

“That’d be perfect! I’m part of a mercenary group called “The Bull’s Chargers”. We got word that some Tevinter mercenaries are gathering at the Storm Coast. My company commander Iron Bull offers the information free of charge.” 

“Judging by the name, I’m guessing Iron Bull is either massive or a literal bull made of iron.” I joke, miming horns on my head, grinning. Krem laughs. 

“The Chief is a qunari, so you got the massive part right. If you could tell the Inquisition’s leader that if they’d like to see what the Bull’s Chargers can do, meet us at the Storm Coast and watch us work.” Krem says, handing me a sealed letter. 

“As far as I know, there isn’t a leader but I’ll be sure to give this to the spymaster.” I say, since I can also ask Leliana about my things after giving her the letter. I wave goodbye to Krem as I enter the Chantry and nearly get run over by Eve. 

“Out of my way.” is all she says as she walks out the building, not even sparing a glance at me. I see Krem give me a concerned look but I just grin at him and make my way into the Chantry. 

“My dear, could you spare a moment?” I hear Vivienne call from her spot. I bite back a sigh and put on a smile. 

“I’m sorry, I need to give something to Leliana.” I tell her, hoping she’ll take a hint. Sadly she doesn’t. 

“Of course darling. We can talk after.” she says, going back to her book. Fuck my life. 

I speed walk towards the war room to avoid everyone else and knock on the door. No answer. I wait a couple minutes before giving up. I begin to prep myself for Vivienne when I hear voices towards Josie’s room. I lightly tap the door with Stonks (not seeing the scandalized look Mother Giselle gives me) and wait. The voices immediately stop and the door opens to reveal Leliana. I gulp as she looks at me. 

“Yes?” she says, slightly impatient. I jump.

“Um, I was asked to give this to you.” I say, quickly handing her the letter. She gives me a look and walks back into the room. 

“Uh,” I raise my voice slightly, she stops but keeps her back to me. “I was just wondering, when can I get my things back?” I could feel my hands sweating under Stonks and I could feel my body begin to heat up and shake. 

“I believe you know the answer to that.” Is all she says before closing the door on me. 

I stare at the door. I guess that confirms my fears. I’m never going to get my phone or music back. I breathe in deeply and make my way back to Vivienne. I ignore Mother GIselle as she tries to get my attention and approach Vivienne’s little corner. 

“You wanted to talk to me?” I ask, feeling myself losing emotion. Vivienne takes her sweet time to finish her page then puts her book down. She gestures to a seat next to her and I sit down. 

“My dear, we were never properly introduced. I assume you know who I am, but I’m afraid I do not even know your name.” Vivienne says, crossing her legs. She has a point, I never talked or interacted with her in Val Royeaux. I smile apologetically.

“My name is Marco. I’m sorry, the reason I never introduced myself to you is because you intimidate me, Miss Vivienne.” I say honestly. Vivienne smiles. 

“Just Marco?” she asks curiously. 

“Just Marco.” I reply. 

“Well my dear, one must be intimidating in The Game. One must also be respected and sometimes feared.” she says to me. 

“Could you explain The Game to me? I know almost nothing about it.” I ask, genuinely curious. 

“With pleasure, darling.” 

* * *

From there, Vivienne explained The Game to me (which made me hate nobles even more oops) and she also explained the fashion and the proper etiquette in Val Royeaux as well. Since I’m mostly a listener, I was happy enough to listen to what she had to say. I piped in a couple times to ask a question but otherwise I stayed silent. We didn’t get into mage rights thankfully since I’m Pro Anders and Vivienne probably wouldn’t appreciate that very much. She was in the middle of telling me a story of how one time she had to deal with an assassin in court when my stomach interrupted us.

“Sorry.” I say embarrassed, holding my stomach. Thankfully Vivienne just seems amused more than anything. 

“Nonsense darling. Be sure to get something to eat dear; we have been talking for quite sometime now.” she says, waving her hand in dismissal. I stand and bow to her. 

“Thank you for explaining things to me, Miss Vivienne.”

“Anytime darling.” 

I wave goodbye and head out of the Chantry. Krem is long gone and the sun is setting. Damn, we really did talk a long time didn’t we? Well, Vivienne talked and I listened. 

I begin to make my way towards the tavern but before I can even take five steps Chise comes trotting towards me. She then plops herself right in front of me and meows. I tilt my head at her. 

“What’s up sweetie?” I ask her. She meows in reply then stands up and walks to the area next to the Chantry (close to where Threnn’s tent is). I follow her. She guides me to a family of nugs in a small den next to the Chantry. I’ve always adored nugs. There’s just something about them that I just adore. Plus I think they look cuddly as hell. Chise sits down next to the biggest nug (which I’m assuming is the father of the three babies crawling over each other) and meows at me. 

I lower myself to the ground and place Stonks next to me as I sit down. Immediately the baby nugs are climbing onto my lap. They’re about the size of a guinea pig but with leathery skin. The babies make little high pitched chirping noises which just melts my heart. So obviously I go full baby voice. 

“Oh my goodness helloooo~ you guys are so fucking cute!” I pet the babies as they settle down on my lap. I see the parents approach me and I offer my hands. They immediately nuzzle into my hands which is honestly so cute. The parents then lay on either side of me and place their heads onto my lap as well. I then have a thought. 

“Wait am I a Disney Princess?” 


	10. Vibe Check

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco stops some creeps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so there's going to be some creeps in this chapter but there wont be anything explicit but please let me know if you want me to add any tags, also i apologize as i cant for the life of me write fight scenes. Also thank you so much for the sweet comments!!! they really keep me going

I’m not sure how long I spent with the family of nugs, but I finally move when my stomach makes a very loud noise and I realise that the sun is almost completely set. Oops. Once the nugs are safely back in their burrow, I pick up Chise and walk towards the tavern. However, I hear something that makes my blood absolutely boil. 

“Now come on sweetheart, you know you want this.” says an oily voice from behind some crates. 

“Please, please stop touching me.” says a shaky feminine voice. 

“I think the little knife ear is scared, Brent.” says another voice.

“Just as well, I like it when they struggle.” Brent (I’m assuming) chuckles.

Oh. Hell. Nah. 

“Chise, go get Cullen or Cassandra. Quick.” I place Chise on the ground, not taking my eyes off the crates where the voices are coming from. I hear Chise mew then the sound of her retreating footsteps. I don’t know what the fuck I can really do except distract these creeps until help arrives. 

“HEY!” I run around the crates and shout before I can pussy out. In front of me are two men dressed in Inquisition armour (for fucks sake really?) and an elven figure kneeling on the ground. To my horror, one of the fuckers is gripping the elven person’s hair and trying to pull them up. The two fuckers look at me in surprise and the elf looks at me in what I think is hope. However I see that they have a black eye as well which just fuels the rage in me. 

“The actual fuck are you two doing?” I ask, stabbing Stonks into the ground. I briefly consider pretending to be a mage and start singing Witcher music but I shove that thought out. Don’t need more suspicion from everyone. The two sick fucks look at each other then give me fake smiles. I scowl. 

“We’re just going to have some fun, she said she wanted it so we’re going to give it to her.” Rapey McFuckface says. His grip on the elf tightens and they whimper. 

“Do you want to join us boy?” Brent says, smiling like the creep he is at me. I ignore both of them and address the elf. 

“Is that true?” 

Predictably, they violently shake their head no. Which causes Rapey McFuckface to slap their face with a “Shut it wench”. Okay, last straw. I begin to chuckle, then I laugh loud and hard. 

“The fuck is so funny, boy?” Brent says, sounding kinda pissed. Good. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise that in order to get it up you had to threaten and beat your “partner”. Damn I know there’s a lot of kinks but I’m fucking kink shaming you two. Fuck, no wonder why you two can’t get some.” the more I talk, the more they get mad. But I don’t care. You don’t fucking do this kind of shit. Ever. 

“You better shut your fucking mouth, boy.” Rapey McFuckface threatens. I widen my eyes and grin slowly. I hold Stonks like a Bo staff. 

“Make me.” let’s see if being a black belt in karate in my past life pays off. 

Brent snarls and comes at me with his fists. Since he’s in armour, his movements are limited so I dodge his first punch easily and I counter by jabbing him under his arm. He grunts then swings at my head; I duck and jab at his crotch, he side steps away. He swings widely and I jump and swing at his head. Stonks connects and he crumples to the ground. 

“Vibe check, bitch.” I say to his body.

I hear a frightened shout. 

Before I can react, I’m knocked to the ground and there are hands around my neck. 

I can’t breathe. I claw at the hands around my neck to no avail. I draw blood but they don’t let up. My head feels like it’s going to explode. There’s ringing in my ears. The face above me is blurry, but I know it’s Rapey McFuckface. I wheeze out the air I have left. Well, if this is how I go, I’m glad I was able to protect someone. 

Distantly, I hear a yowl and approaching footsteps. 

Then everything goes dark. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


I sit up with a gasp and clutch my neck. I breathe heavily as I realise that I’m in the Fade. I’m sitting on a bed in the middle of a flower field. I’m also wearing silk pajamas for some reason. Before I can really take everything in, I’m knocked back down onto the bed in a hug. 

“Don’t you ever do that again, you hear me?” a familiar voice says. 

“Desire?” I say, slowly putting my arms around his purple back. I move my head slightly to avoid his horns and fire hair. He clutches me tighter. I rub his back to comfort him. We hadn’t actually been able to see each other since Val Royeaux for some reason. Might’ve been because I barely slept, oops. I missed him. 

“I missed you too.” he replies to my thoughts. I forgot we were in the Fade. “My desire was to see you again, but not by you almost fucking  _ dying _ ” 

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t let them do anything to that elf. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I did.” I say. He’s so warm, this is nice. I forgot what it feels like to be held. He holds me still tighter. I feel the bed dip slightly and hear a meow. Chise pads up to us and settles right beside me. 

“Do you know what happened?” I ask Desire, as he loosens his grip on me slightly. Well, now we’re just cuddling on the bed. I put my hand into his flame hair (which is just pleasantly warm) and massage his scalp. Fellas, this is so gay. 

“Your feline companion managed to attract the attention of the Templar who desires to quit lyrium. They arrived to see you on the ground with the human’s filthy hands around your neck. His desires were to kill you.” Desire growls into my neck. 

“And the elf?” I ask. 

“Safe and sound. They told the Templar what happened. Both the humans are going to be severely punished then banished.” I sigh in relief. 

“I think a good punishment for them is to cut off their dicks then shove it down their throats.” 

Desire’s body starts to shake as he holds back his laughter. 

“Your companions are very worried.” he says after he calms down. I frown as I stare into the Fade sky (which is a lovely shade of dark green). Hopefully they aren’t mad at me. 

“The elf whose desire is to throw bees at everything is upset you got hurt, but is otherwise mad that this even happened. Likewise, Fen’Harel is worried about lasting effects and trauma.” 

“I’m definitely going to have some of that, shit.” I sigh deeply; Chise purrs. “Just what I needed.” 

To my utter and complete surprise, Desire starts purring. I start giggling which causes him to lift his head to properly look at me. He raises an eyebrow. I smile at him. 

“You’re really sweet, you know that?” that causes him to blush a bright purple and shoves his face into my neck again.    
  


“Am not.” he mumbles. 

“You fucking tsundere!” I laugh. This is why I can’t believe he’s a demon. 

I can feel a pressure in the back of my head indicating I’m waking up. Desire senses it too and he holds me tightly then lets me go. We both sit up. He pokes my nose. 

“You better get proper sleep, I want to see you again under less dire circumstances.” he scolds me. I smile at him and boop his nose. 

“I will.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> even though it looks like it, this isnt going to be a Desire x Marco fic unfortunately (I have something planned for Desire *evil laugh*)


	11. Corvids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco wakes up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry for the wait, depression kicked my ass to the moon but im feeling better finally!

Opening my eyes, all I see is the canvas that makes up the ceiling of what I’m assuming is a tent. I slowly sit up with a wince and rub my neck. I’m willing to bet money there’s a massive bruise forming. Just what I need. I stretch my arms with a groan and I feel my back crack. 

“Mrr?” I look at the foot of the blanket covering me and see Chise blinking slowly at me. She gets up and walks over to my face and bumps her head against mine affectionately. I coo at her. 

“Ah good, you’re awake.” a heavily accented voice says. I flinch; I didn’t hear anyone enter the tent. 

“Yeor rat catcher refused to leave yeor side. Made it hard to check on ye.” The healer (I’m assuming) tells me. They kneel next to me and gently touch my neck. I tense. They tsk. 

“Well, the physical damage is minimal. Yeor neck is go’in to be sore for a few days but yeo’ll be right as rain in a few days. Yeor good to go.” They say. Honestly they have a nice voice, a bit rough but still kind. 

“Thank you for helping me.” I say as I get up to leave. They wave their hand as they start to clean up.

“Aye just do’in me job. Get some rest, problem child.” 

Stepping outside, my face is hit with the cold wind of the Frostback Mountains. I breathe in deeply and sigh. I feel claws on my back as Chise climbs onto my shoulders. I take a step forward and nearly black out as I’m made aware that I’m in fact starving. I roughly fall to my knees and clutch my head. I stay in this position until my head clears and the lightheadedness goes away. As the world stops spinning, I hear Chise purring in an effort to comfort me. I rub her ears in gratitude. 

“Kinda forgot I didn’t eat anything for a while.” I chuckle. Chise gives me a look that just screams “No shit Sherlock.” 

I stand up and get my bearings. Unlike the game where there were minimal tents near the Chantry, there were loads lined up. The scale of Haven is far larger than what I expected. The healer tents are close to Threnn’s area and where I was is closer to Leliana’s massive tent (thankfully she is nowhere to be seen). I begin to head to the tavern, since I should probably check in with Sera first considering what Desire told me. Plus she’s currently my best friend so she gets priority. 

I enter the tavern and the heavenly scent of food hits me as I inhale deeply, but before I take another step inside, I’m hit in the face with bread. Chise yowls and scurries off somewhere as I peel the bread from my face. 

“What the fu-” I’m interrupted by a body slamming me to the ground. I manage to avoid smashing my head into the ground as the air leaves my lungs. On top of me is a mop of blond hair. 

“You frigging arsehole! Why’d you have to go and be a hero?!” Sera says, semi hysterically. I gently stroke her hair. 

“Had to look after the little people, yeah?” I say. She sniffs and gets off me. 

“Yeah well, next time have other people help you when you help people.” she says, helping me up. 

“Deal. D’you know what happened to the cunts?” I ask, as Sera guides me to her table. She snorts.

“Yeah, Cullly Wully had their hands cut off and were banished. And I stole their coin purses.” she says proudly, puffing out her chest. I giggle. 

“I would have cut their dicks off and shoved them down their throats but that’s just me.” I say. Sera, who had just taken a sip of her beverage, snorts violently and the drink comes out her nose. 

“Next time wait for me to swallow yeah?” she says hoarsely as I get up to grab a cloth (and food). 

  
  


* * *

After my meal, Sera and I went our separate ways, with Sera going to work on her flasks to try and make rock armor. I decide to go and talk to Solas since Desire said he was worried. As I get closer to his cabin, I notice a few ravens and crows in the trees nearby staring at me. I wave and smile. Corvids are one of my favorite kinds of birds. They respond by cawing and flapping their wings. I think nothing of it as I get to Solas’ door but to my shock and surprise, two ravens land on my shoulders and a smaller crow lands on my head. Before I can process this Solas opens his door and stares. 

“Yeah I really can’t explain this.” I say sheepishly. Solas looks amused more than anything. The birds caw and make themselves comfortable on me. The ravens are the same as the ones with the red feathers, so I’m just hoping they aren’t Leliana’s birds. I can’t get a good look at the crow on my head so I just assume it’s like the ones back home. Said bird is just kneading my hair with its feet. 

“You seem to have a strong connection with animals.” Solas says, gesturing to me to enter. I walk in with my unexpected passengers. The ravens on my shoulders fluff up and croak. One even starts to nibble on my ear (I let it happen, it’s kinda sweet). We sit on the floor near the fireplace. 

“I mean, before I came here I had a good relationship with animals, but never this good. This is new for me.” not that I was complaining since honestly this is awesome. Solas hums and holds his chin. 

“Perhaps the spirit who brought you here gave you a heightened connection to animals?” he says. I shrug. It’d make sense I guess, but why would he do that for me?

“Wait does this mean dragons will be my friend too?” I say, excited. Solas chuckles. 

“Let’s not test that theory.” I pout but I understand. If this new connection doesn’t work on dragons then if I tried it out I’d be fucked. 

“What happened while I was out? I know what happened to the twats but everything else I’m not sure.” Solas’ expression grew dark but it went away quickly. 

“The Herald asked the Commander to set up a more thorough interview for new and old soldiers to make sure nothing like this will happen again. She left with the Seeker, the Enchanter, and Master Tethras to the Storm Coast to meet the mercenaries. She was also told to find the lone Warden in the Hinterlands.” he tells me. I hum. Good, hopefully she recruits them both. 

“Hey Solas, if it isn’t too much trouble can you teach me how to read and write common? And maybe some Elven?” Solas looks surprised, but smiles.

“Ma nuvenin.” 


	12. Work and Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what happened before the Herald returned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hai Marco

For the next 2 weeks, my days are filled with language lessons from Solas and archery lessons from Sera. Thankfully common is pretty similar to english so reading and writing it came pretty fast. Elven was a bit more difficult but slowly I’m getting the hang of it. I started teaching Solas some japanese to repay him as well (to his delight, this man loves to learn). Archery lessons were a slightly different story. 

“Man, you are absolutly shite at aiming.” Sera told me, after I missed the middle of the target again. 

“Give me a break, I have shaky ass hands okay?” I bite back, drawing the bow once again. 

Even with her encouragement and help, I still only hit the outer rings of the target. Sera refuses to give up on me, which I’m grateful for but I really don’t want to end up killing someone. That’s what I’m most scared of. I just want to disappear into the background so I don’t end up killing in defence. 

My animal army had grown. More ravens, crows, and even more nugs have become my friends. Sera was freaked out at first but when she learned of the mischief she could get into with the birds she was all for them. Still won’t go anywhere near the nugs though. It’s gotten to the point where I have at least one bird on me at all times. Chise doesn’t seem to mind at all. In fact I’d seen her grooming baby nugs and even some ravens. The animals didn’t seem to mind either, which is a relief. I’m trying to stay away from the rodents, not because I hate them, but because I don’t want to get attached since Chise likes to eat mice and squirrels. 

Even though plenty of time had passed, Blackwall still wasn’t at Haven. This meant that either Eve didn’t recruit him or he went to the Storm Coast with the party. I’m hoping he was recruited, I really like Blackwall. To my delight though, Master Dennet arrived with his horses. Sadly there aren’t any harts or dracolisks yet, but hopefully there’ll be some soon. As much as I love horses, massive elk and dragon horses are so much cooler. To my delight, Dennet said I was allowed to help out at the stables to earn some coin, which I gladly agreed to. I now have two part time jobs. Since in my past life I was a dishwasher in a restaurant, I asked Flissa if I could work at the tavern to earn money, to which she said yes. She even lets me sleep in the tavern at night and I get one free meal. Occasionally when working at the stables, some ravens will help me out with items and straw. Now I really feel like a Disney Princess. 

Dennet doesn’t seem to mind my helpers that much, but I can tell they unnerve him slightly. Worse, I can tell that the Chantry people are incredibly unsettled about my animal army. I wouldn’t be surprised if they tried to douse me in holy water to make sure I’m not a demon in disguise. Well jokes on them, I’ve already been smited (smote??) by Cassandra so ha. Plus I trust Desire isn’t doing something to me since I’ve introduced him to Solas and he basically got threatened by mister Dread Wolf (nearly shat his pants too). Desire and I have been spending alot of our time in the Fade in Disney Land since he was really curious about my world. He loves the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and Splash Mountain. Chise even got to chase around some fade pigeons. 

Back to the present, according to Cullen (who warmed up to me to my surprise) Eve and everyone should be arriving back at Haven any day now. 

“How do you know that?” I ask leaning on Stonks, as we watch the recruits training. 

“The Herald had sent a letter telling us about her success in the Storm Coast.” he replies. Which meant that she either killed all the Blades of Hessarians or used the Mercy Crest. I hope she used the Mercy Crest, they seem chill in the game. 

I hum and watch as a raven with a chipped beak comes flying towards us. Cullen stiffens slightly as I hold out my arm to let her land. 

“Hello pretty bird.” I say to her, stroking her head. She bobs her head up and down. 

“How are you? How are yooouuu?” she croaks which causes Cullen to flinch. See, this raven (whom I named Moon) is able to say certain words. Alot of other ravens can do so as well but Moon is able to speak pretty fluently. 

“I’m doing good, thank you!” I coo at her. She’s one of the first ravens to warm up to me, in fact she was the one who gnawed on my ear. She hops onto my shoulder and proceeds to snuggle into my neck. I look at Cullen who’s avoiding eye contact. 

“They still creep you out huh?” I ask, which causes him to flinch again. 

“Not exactly creep per say, unsettling more than anything.” he replies, doing his neck rub. 

“Understandable.” I nod. I swear I’m going to get this man a therapy dog (or just a dog in general) cause he desperately needs it. I wave goodbye to Cullen and make my way out of Haven towards the logging stand. I begin humming a song that I used to listen to back home while Moon mimics.

As I reach the open area near the logging stand, I see the druffalos and rams roaming around and grazing. I find a tree and sit down with a sigh. Thankfully I’m wearing a cloak that Flissa gifted me so I don’t completely freeze in the snow. I hear a meow and feel the warmth of Chise snuggling into my lap. I begin petting her and I feel her purr. I sat there for a long time just watching the wildlife with Moon and Chise. Eventually a few rams walk over and lay next to me. I pet their heads and rub their horns. I slowly begin to drift off but I jerk awake when I hear a horn blast in the distance which causes the rams to run away. 

The Herald has returned. 


	13. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Herald returns and brings friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry this is late lol, we're nearing one of the juicy bits that i have planned *evil laugh*

I hop off the dock and with a running start I slide on the ice. I repeat this until I get to the snowy shore where the trebuchet will be during the war of Haven. I trudge up the hill where a crowd is gathered to welcome back their Herald. I nudge my way through the crowd to get a better look at the arriving party. 

In front is Eve on top of a brown horse, flanking her are Cassandra (black horse) and Vivienne (white horse). To my amusement, Varric is riding a speckled pony behind the ladies. To my utter relief, Blackwall and Iron Bull were both requited. 

Blackwall seemed a bit nervous as he rode his dark brown horse past the gates of Haven, since he’s probably going to have to put on his “Yes I am totally legit Grey Warden” act on to the extreme now that he’s here. Bull looks relaxed but I’m willing to bet he’s scanning everyone to determine who’s a threat or not. Behind him are the Chargers being the rowdy bunch they are. 

“Bird boy!” a voice from the stables calls. I tear my eyes away from Bull’s pecs to see Dennet gesturing for me to come over. I glance at the group one last time before slipping behind the crowd to where the stables are. 

“Get the stables ready for the mounts, and don’t forget to top the water and feed for them as well.” Dennet instructs me as he opens up the doors for the party. I give him a thumbs up and roll up my sleeves as I go to grab the horse feed. I open the individual stable doors as the party enters to stable their mounts. I approach Eve with a nervous smile as she hands me the lead.

“That’s a nice necklace.” I comment, noticing the mercy crest on Eve’s chest. She looks a bit surprised, like she didn’t expect me to talk to her.

“Thank you, it was needed for the Storm Coast.” she replies. I nod and lead her horse into its shelter. So that meant that Eve took the time to challenge the leader and probably require the rest of the Blades. This gave me hope for Eve. Next was Cassandra and Vivienne, both of whom gave me their horses with no comment, although Vivienne did give me a smile. 

“So, mind telling me the story behind the name “Bird Boy” Sticks?” Varric asks me as he hands me his pony’s lead. I giggle. 

“Later Varric, it’s a long story.” I reply. He puts his hands up in surrender and gives me a two finger salute as he leaves. Blackwall hands me his horse with no comment but I give him a friendly smile and wave which seems to make him relax slightly as he smiles back. 

I try not to gawk as Bull brings in his massive horse and his massive self. I barely reached his pecs which made me question as to how when a dwarf Inquisitor rides the Bull they aren’t immediately split in half. Bull notices my obvious staring and smirks at me. I feel my face heat up as I duck my head and take the lead from him. Krem gives me a knowing look as I take his horse as well. My heart stops thumping hard after stabling every horse and giving them food. 

I close the stable doors and lean against them with a sigh. Meeting one of your video game crushes in real life is an experience I wasn’t ready for at all. I feel claws on my pant legs and a weight on my shoulders as Chise clambers onto me. I stroke her head and feel her purr. 

“Hey, sorry for leaving you suddenly earlier baby.” I say to her, cause I realise that I must’ve accidentally yeeted her when I got up suddenly to see the arriving party. Chise just gives me a meow and settles down onto my shoulders. I let Dennet know all the horses are settled in and I head to the tavern to talk with Varric. Another weight joins on my head as I make it past Seggrit’s little stall. I feel the talon and croak of Moon. Chise churrs in welcome and Moon responds with a “Hello”. 

I enter the tavern and am hit with the scent of Flissa’s soup and fresh bread. Chise hops off my shoulders and scampers off to find mice and Moon takes her spot on my shoulders. I spot Varric waving from his table he’s sharing with Eve, Blackwall, Sera, and Bull. I smile at him and make my way over. 

“Well, now I can see why Dennet called you “Bird Boy”.” Varric says as I sit down next to Blackwall. I giggle as Moon caws and puffs up her feathers. 

“In the reports I’d gotten, Leliana did mention that you seemed to have a growing army of animals but I didn’t expect it to be true.” Eve says, slightly in awe. I scratch the stubble on my face. 

“I wouldn’t say it’s an army, more like a massive friend group.” I say sheepishly. Sera snorts.

“Oi, Feathers, say the thing!” she says to Moon. The thing? What? Moon bobbed her head. 

“Morons Independence and Liberation Front!” she croaked. Sera cackled as I tried to figure out what the fuck she meant. 

“That’s our organisation name, yeah?” wait a second - 

“”M.I.L.F?”” Blackwall says, which causes me, Sera, Bull, and Varric to burst out laughing. Eve groans.

“Andraste give me strength. No, we are not going to be called “M.I.L.F” and no,” she says, as I open my mouth, “We are also not called W.A.N.K.” which just causes Bull to laugh even harder.

“For the glory of M.I.L.F!” Sera yells, jumping out of her seat and out the door. Eve rolls her eyes so hard I’m worried they’ll fall out of her face. 

“Anyway Sticks, how’ve you been? I never got to check in on you before we left.” Varric asks, changing the topic. I smile at him. 

“I’ve been really good, thanks for asking Varric.” he gives me a smile back. 

“Good, good. Oh, right! You haven’t been properly introduced to our new members. The one with the beard is Blackwall,” Blackwall nods and smiles at me, “And the Qunari is Iron Bull.” Bull smirks at me and blinks his one eye slowly. 

“Did, did you just wink at me?” I ask him, his smirk gets wider. 

“Now, Blackwall is a Grey Warden who we found in the Hinterlands while Bull here was at the Storm Coast with his crew. I’m pretty sure you met his lieutenant right?” Varric says, I nod. 

“It’s nice to meet you both, my name is Marco.” I introduce myself with a smile. 

“So Herald, what’s the next course of action?” Varric asks Eve as I feel Bull’s one eye burning a hole into my skull. Eve sighs and lays her head on the table. 

“I’m going to be meeting the mages in Redcliffe.” 

Oh right, I almost forgot about the choice between mages and templars. 


	14. Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco sleeps again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooooo...... that DA4 teaser huh? also I'm probably dedicate a chapter in the POV of Chise

The night ends with Eve asking Blackwall questions about the Grey Wardens and Blackwall pulling lies out of his ass. Thankfully Bull was distracted since he was teaching Moon swear words in qunlat so he probably didn’t pick up on it. As Blackwall sweats bullets when Eve asks if he knew the Hero of Ferelden (who was a Dalish elf named Revas), Flissa informs everyone in the tavern that they have to leave so she could clean up. I wave goodbye to everyone as they exit the building and watch with a smile as Moon perches on one of Bull’s horns while croaking “ Defransdim” over and over. 

“Did you have a good time?” Flissa asks me, handing me a rag and bucket. I take it and begin to scrub tables. 

“Yeah, it was nice meeting the new people.” I answer. I hear her hum in response and the sound of scrubbing fills the air. 

“By the way, where’s your kitty? You two are usually inseparable.” Flissa asks when we move onto sweeping the floor.

That made me pause. I hadn’t seen Chise ever since she went to find food. I shrug. 

“She’s probably hanging out with the nugs again.” I say, not wanting to panic quite yet. Flissa “Ooh”s and drops the subject. Before I know it, Flissa and I finish cleaning up the tavern. Flissa hands me my bedroll from the storage and bids me goodnight. This was our routine ever since I started working in the tavern. I walk over to my corner which has a sack of my clothing and what little items I own. I change into some wool pajamas that Varric gifted me and set up my bedroll. Before I settle down to sleep, I head outside to see if I can find Chise. I shiver as the cold air hits me and I hug myself. 

“Chise?” I call out, hoping she’s close enough to hear. I hear an answering meow and see Chise trotting down from Solas’ hut. I kneel, pick her up, and hold her to my chest. Her purrs fill me with warmth. As I head back inside, the sound of wolf howls fill the air as well as the flapping of wings. The surrounding trees are filled with crows bunched into different groups: nine, fourteen, and eighteen. Before I can process what I’m seeing, the crows all craw and fly away. 

“Should I be worried?” I ask Chise, kinda dumbfounded. Chise answers with a “Mrrp.” 

* * *

The next thing I know, I’m back in Fade Disney Land sitting on a bench watching wisps and spirits floating around. Chise found a wisp to play with and was wrestling with it. 

“Hey babe!” calls Desire, jogging towards me holding a churro. Desire started to use pet names for me recently which I didn’t mind one bit. He’s slowly gaining more confidence in himself. He plops himself beside me and takes a bite out of his treat. 

“Where the fuck did you even get a churro from anyway?” I ask him as he licks his finger.

“Ever since the Qunari arrived, there’s been a fuck ton of desires from both him and the people in Haven. So I turned some of the energy into this so I can enjoy food from your world.” he replies. Then (and I swear I see a lightbulb over his head) he makes hard eye contact with me and deepthroats his churro which causes me to choke and laugh so hard I start wheezing. 

“By the way,” Desire says, as I cough, “the Qunari has a strong desire to know you. He thinks you’re hiding something.” I wince.

“And that’s either my very poorly hidden crush on him or my past. Whoop-de-doo.” I say deadpan. Chise hops onto my lap and starts making biscuits; I pet her. 

“You’ll be okay, besides you can always command your birds to attack him if he gets too nosey.” Desire grins as I laugh.

“If I did that he’d be even more suspicious you dumbass.” I say, flicking his forehead. Yeah, I really am fucked if Bull is interested in me. Normally that’d be great since that meant you’d be getting bone-zoned by him but I’m probably not going to be that lucky. Maybe I should take a card out of JJ Bittenbinder’s program and get a piece of paper of my supposed past, yell “You want to know my secrets?! Go and get it!”, throw the paper and run away. STREET SMARTS. Hey, it could work who knows? 

“Yeah, please don’t do that.” Desire gives me an unimpressed look. I feel my face heat up. I keep forgetting he can read my head. He gives me a sly look. 

“I have to say, you have some really interesting fantasies Mar-” 

“SHUT THE HELL YOUR MOUTH!” my face is burning as I cover my face. The fucker has the audacity to laugh at me. Chise meows disapprovingly. Desire wraps an arm around my shoulder and leans into me. 

“Hey, nothing to be ashamed of hon. You should see the Qunari’s fantasies.” 

“I really don’t, thanks.” 

We spend the rest of the night going on Splash Mountain over and over. 

* * *

My eyes are heavy as I open my eyes in the morning. I slowly sit up and stretch my arms. Chise is grooming herself next to me as I stand up to crack my back. Judging by the sunlight coming through the windows, it was still really early. Wonderful. I grab a bucket of water and a rag to give myself a quick wash. I seriously hope Skyhold has actual baths and hot water cause damn dude. I dunk my hair in the water and grab a dry towel to dry off. I do my morning routine (piss, get changed, clean up my sleeping area), grab Stonks, and head outside with Chise on my heels. I breathe in the crisp morning air. Distantly I can hear the soldiers training and Cullen’s frustrated voice (“That’s not the right end of the sword!”) as I debate whether or not to eat breakfast. 

I hear birds chirping and I hear the distant noises of rams and druffalo grazing. I hear the squeaks of nugs as they begin to wake up. As usual the forge is already full of life and Harritt waves at me as I head to the stables to say hi to the horses. 

Master Dennet isn’t awake yet as far as I can tell so I make myself at home with the horses. To my disappointment there still aren’t any mounts other than horses. 

I wonder if we’ll get the Bog Unicorn anytime soon? 


	15. Panic again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Bull asks too many questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hai :,) this chapter has Marco have a panic attack so fair warning

To my immense surprise, Eve invited me to join her to see the mages in Redcliffe. She wouldn’t give me a straight answer (“You look like you’re dying of boredom in Haven.”), but according to Desire I remind her of her little brother whom she misses alot. Honestly fair, hell I miss my sister (I hope she’s doing okay). After packing up some clothing and food, I saddle up everyone’s horse and my own. My horse is a gorgeous dark brown stallion with a reddish brown mane and tail. According to Dennet, he used to be impossible to handle but he’s a complete sweetheart for me (thank god for Disney powers). I was tempted to name him Spirit but I figured it would be a bit confusing as to why so I settled for Kohaku (Haku for short). Eve, Cass, Bull, Solas, and I said our goodbyes then headed towards Redcliffe. 

“That cat follows you everywhere doesn’t it?” Bull asks as we pass the Crossroads. To no one's surprise, Chise is joining us on this family trip. She gives Bull a side eye but stays on her spot in my lap. 

“Yeah, she goes where she wants.” I reply. It’s still unnerving to see Bull ride that massive horse (a beefy shire) since whenever I play as Bull I make him ride a Nuggalope. He hums. 

“She’s a loyal beast. Wouldn’t stop glaring at me when I first passed by.” Bull tells me, slowing his horse down so we’re side by side. 

“She’s really protective, I think she used to be a mom.” I say. Honestly, I consider Chise my mom now. She’s alot more supportive than my real mom. Doesn’t judge me for who I am. 

“How did you two meet? How long ago was it?” I’m pulled out of my depressing thoughts and look at Bull, his one eye staring deep into my soul. I know lying won’t help me so I tell the truth. 

“We met at Val Royeaux. She helped me out of a panic attack.” I reply, one hand holding the reins and the other on top of Chise’s head. She purrs and glares at Bull, who doesn’t take his eye off me. 

“Why you, I wonder? And your way with animals. It doesn’t matter what animal, they all flock to you. Even that horse, who Dennet says refused to allow anyone to ride it. Now it’s compliant and calm. I wonder why that is?” fuck me gently with a chainsaw, how the fuck do I answer this? 

Luckily I don’t have to answer it. 

“Are you quite done with your interrogation, Ben-Hassrath?” the irritated voice of Solas comes up from behind us. Bull doesn’t take his eye off me. I feel my heart begin to pick up and my anxiety rear its ugly head (surprised it took this long honestly). 

“You are obviously making Marco uncomfortable. He simply has a way with animals and that’s that.” Solas comes in between us on his horse, glaring at Bull. 

I slowly begin to dissociate as Bull and Solas argue. I distantly hear a concerned meow but I ignore it in favor of steadying my breathing. I feel cold sweat form in my hands and I clutch the reins hard and I begin to feel sick. There’s no way I can explain my connection with animals since I honestly don’t even know if it was thanks to the spirit/god that brought me here. Besides, what can I even say? “Oh yeah, I’m not actually from this world. In fact Thedas is actually fictional where I’m from and I originally didn’t even have this body. Nah, I had a body with a vagina which caused me major distress and depression which led to self harm and other destructive activities. No biggie man. Oh and Chise is originally from my dreams and I have no idea where she came from-

“-co! Marco! Take deep breaths and let go of your tension.” I snap out of it when I hear Solas’ voice call out. I breathe in deeply and do as he says. I feel Chise purring up a storm against my chest to ground me and I loosen my grip. Haku is looking back at me with concerned black eyes and I pat his neck. 

“Have you returned to us?” Solas asks gently. I nod, the lump in my throat preventing me from talking. I barely hear Solas suggest I ride on ahead with Cass and Eve before Haku takes matters into his own hands (hooves?) and trots to the front, leaving Solas and Bull to (probably) argue over what just happened. Way to have a fucking panic attack infront of the damn spy Marco. 

“Hey Miss Herald, could I go on ahead? I need some space.” I ask as Haku trots up next to Eve and Cass. Eve takes one look at my sweaty forehead and pale face and nods. I smile shakily at her as I urge Haku into a run. Distantly I can hear Cass ask Eve something in a panicked tone but I ignore it in favor of feeling the wind on my face. I really should have seen this coming. Bull is still part of the Qun and unless Eve saves the Chargers, he’ll remain that way until he dies. Obviously I’m hella suspicious: animals flock to me, my language is slightly bizarre, my story is wack, and I carry a stink named Stonks. Not to mention I have a fucking Desire demon as a friend. I definitely can’t tell anyone about him or else I’ll be killed where I stand. 

I’m pulled out of my thoughts when Haku slows to a stop and the sound of whining fills the air. In front of us is a pack of black wolves. Their eyes aren’t loopy or shining so I assume they either aren’t part of the demon wolves or Eve already dealt with them. I slowly dismount from Haku, give him a pat, and approach the pack; Chise stays sitting on Haku’s back. In total, there are six wolves. No pups to my disappointment but eh, beggars can’t be choosers. The wolves are understandably wary, but as they sniff the air they relax. I slowly lower myself to the ground and sit down. The largest wolf (who I assume is the leader) approaches me first. I stay still as it’s snout goes close to my face and begins to sniff. I close my eyes and smile as I feel it’s breath puff against my face. I feel it’s tongue gently lick my eyelids. I hear the rest of the pack get close and soon I feel a few different tongues lickling my face. I giggle as I feel one wolf go behind me and lay down against me. I open my eyes and see the wolves grooming each other and laying against me and themselves. I look around and let out a laugh as I see Chise grooming one of them. Haku meanwhile is enjoying some grass, looking unbothered. 

I look at my surroundings. Haku brought us near the area where you find the book for Vivienne and where you find out about Sister Tanner. The wolf who I’m leaning against huffs and nuzzles into my hair. One flops onto my lap and lolls it’s tongue out, looking derpy. I give it some belly rubs and I listen for any rifts (none thankfully). I see the crumbling tower that holds Vivienne’s book and debate whether or not to go and grab it for her. 

“Would getting the book be a good idea?” I ask out loud. I hear Chise meow disapprovingly from her spot on top of the pack leader. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im thinking of having a chapter from Chise's point of view when we get to Skyhold


	16. Redcliffe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we finally get to Redcliffe

  
  


After our group cuddle/therapy session, I mount Haku once more and urge him towards Redcliffe. The wolf pack follows behind us with Chise leading them which is a very funny image: a pack of large black wolves being led by a medium sized grey cat. We thankfully don’t run into any templars, mages, or bandits on our commute although if we did I feel like they’d be at a disadvantage. Distantly, I hear the sounds of fighting and a rift, so we’re getting pretty close. I stop Haku and turn to look at the pack.

“Okay guys, so we’re going to have to part ways here. I have a feeling the group I’m traveling with won’t react well towards a wolf pack following behind me.” whines and whimpers are my answer. I smile sadly at them all. 

“Yeah I know, I love you guys too. Listen, maybe you guys can move the pack closer to Hav- oh wait no bad idea.” I say smacking my head. I nearly forgot about the fact that Haven is going to be buried in an avalanche very soon. Oh shit, I need to warn the other animals when we get back to Haven. I chew my lip as I think of other places they could go to as I hear Chise meow at the wolves. I look back at them as I tear off some skin from my lips to see Chise and the pack leader communicating (at least I assume so) and to my slight shock, the lead wolf nods his head and huffs at Chise. With that, the wolves all look at me and howl. Their howls give me chills as the leader takes his pack somewhere I don’t know. 

“See you later!” I shout and wave before they can get too far. I hear a few barks and whines as they run off. Chise meows loudly as a farewell and hops onto Haku’s flank. She blinks slowly at me and purrs as I pet her head. 

  
  


“That was a magical experience wasn’t it?” I say with a smile; Chise purrs louder. I turn to the front and click my tongue to let Haku know we’re ready to go. He huffs and begins to trot towards our destination. 

Distantly, I see the flashing green light of the rift and the clangs of swords. I gently urge Haku to speed up, which he completely ignores (the bastard). I huff but don’t push him since he probably has a reason why. Said reason turns out to be the demon that pops out of the ground where we’d be if we were going any faster. I silently pat Haku thank you as he slows to a stop. The demon is swiftly taken care of via axe to the face and Eve closes the rift. Haku begins to make his way over to the group as they talk about how strange the rift is. 

“Hey!” I shout and wave to catch their attention. Solas perks up and waves back with a smile. To my surprise, Eve seems to light up as she spots me. Cass seems indifferent as she talks with the guard and Bull looks at me with an unreadable expression. I hop off Haku and walk over to them with Chise following behind. Solas meets me halfway and places his hand on my shoulder. 

“Are you feeling better?” he asks me, I nod and smile at him. He squeezes my shoulder and gives Chise a nod. As soon as Solas moves, to my immense surprise, Eve approaches me and leans down to my level (I swear I’m not that short, Eve’s just like 6’0) and places her hands on my cheeks. Since she’s wearing gloves, her hands feel rough but somehow I feel safe. My eyes widen at the concern I see written on her face. Desire’s words come back to me:  _ “She misses her brother, you remind her of him.” _ Maybe her brother also gets panic attacks? I really don’t know how to react to this development since before coming here I was the older sibling. So logically, I freeze up. Eve seems to realise what she’s doing and lets her hands drop to her sides. She clears her throat. 

“Glad to see you safe.” she says, not looking at me. 

“Uh-huh.” is my intelligent reply. 

  
  


* * *

The meeting in Redcliffe supposedly goes exactly like the game since I opted out of meeting Alexius and chose to sit on the docks. I’m joined by the elf mage, Lysas, and together we talk about mage rights as I wait for the meeting to end. Chise ran off somewhere in the village but I’m not too worried. Not gonna lie, when I used to play Dragon Age, I always thought Lysas was kinda cute, and I still think that now that I can actually talk to him. As we discuss whether or not it would be ethical to place slugs in the Templar’s underwear, I hear my name being called. I turn to see Solas gesturing for me to go to him. Lysas and I say our farewells (I even pat his shoulder) and I hurry towards the man I’m slowly seeing as my father figure. 

“Did it go well?” I ask him as I come to a halt next to him.

“Not exactly.” he replies, placing his hand on the small of my back and guiding me towards the Chantry. “Grand Enchanter Fiona claims to not remember meeting the Herald in Val Royeaux, and there’s a Tevinter Magister named Alexius who took over the mage rebellion.”

“Yeah, I met a mage who told me about him. He sounds like a massive dick.” I say. To be fair, I actually don’t hate Alexius, I mostly feel bad for him. He did terrible things out of desperation to save his son. I understand why he did the things he did but obviously that doesn’t excuse what he’ll do. 

“Indeed.” Solas chuckles, “The Herald received a note stating that she is in danger and to go to the Chantry.” said Chantry was just ahead. 

I feel a small weight on my back then claws as I feel Chise clamber onto my shoulders. She rubs her cheek on mine as I coo at her. I hear Solas chuckle again. 

“Truly the bond you two have is incredible.” he says as he opens the large doors of the Chantry. 

Inside, the rest of the group plus Dorian and Felix are surrounded by the remains of the rift. As Solas and I get closer, I hear Dorian say one of my favorite lines (“Send him a fruit basket, everyone loves those”). I wonder if he suggested a fruit basket because Alexius hates them? 

“Ah, good. You’re here. Did you explain everything to him?” Cass says to Solas and I. I ignore her and instead ogle at Dorian cause hot damn he’s more attractive in person. The game really doesn’t do him justice. Felix isn’t half bad looking either. Dorian obviously noticed me staring and winks. 

“Solas, Marco, these two are Dorian and Felix. They’re going to be assisting us against Alexius.” Eve tells us. Solas gives an acknowledging nod and I wave shyly while Chise meows. 

Now things are going to get crazy. 


	17. Herd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco talks to a bunch of animals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry for the late chapter

“No rest for the wicked.” I say as I help Eve saddle up. She sighs heavily as I double check her saddlebag. It hasn’t even been three days since we left Redcliffe and already Eve had to leave to meet with Alexius. Accompanying her are Bull, Cassandra, and Dorian. Does she have something against rogues? It’d be rude as hell to ask so it’ll remain a mystery forever. Cassandra has been with Eve pretty much since the beginning and I have a slight suspicion that Eve has a crush on the resident romance-novel lover.

Looking at Eve, she looks incredibly exhausted. To be fair, she’s been running herself ragged with finding demon ram (aka Lord Woolsley), helping a widow drop off flowers, and negotiating with a smuggler. The added rifts sprinkled in don’t help either. I really hope she’ll be okay mentally and physically once in the shitty future Redcliffe. Once she gets back I’ll ask Chise to give her snuggles. 

“Good luck, stay safe.” I say to Eve, patting her thigh. She gives me a tired smile and clicks her tongue. Soon the party leaves Haven and I’m alone brushing Haku. I’m scared of what changes in the future thanks to me being here. Hopefully future red lyrium me won’t say anything in spoiler territory or else I’m fucked ten ways to Sunday. I frown as I realise Chise would also suffer in the dark future which dampens my mood considerably. I’m brought out of my dark thoughts as Haku nuzzles my hair. I smile and rub his nose. 

“You want to go for a ride bub?” I ask him. Haku snorts and makes his way out of the stables on his own. I giggle and jog after him, Dennet shaking his head in amusement at our shenanigans. Haku slows down long enough for me to hop onto his back. I barely have enough time to grab the reins before he starts galloping towards the area outside Haven. I wave at the Chargers as we fly by and laugh freely as Krem and Rocky cheer us on. Before I know it, Haku gallops towards the open area near the lake outside of Haven. To my shock and surprise, what seems to be the entire animal population of the area are just chilling with Chise sitting at the head. I hear loud croaking and look to see Moon circling above with even more birds. 

I hop off Haku and slowly make my way to the massive gathering of animals. There’s a few herds of rams, one massive herd of druffalo and fennecs sprinkled in between them. When I used to play the game back home (is it still home?), there definitely weren’t this many animals at Haven. Chise tilts her head at us and meows in greeting as Haku slows to a stop. I hop off him and pat his neck as I adjust my cloak around my shoulders. I expect Haku to go graze but to my surprise he sticks right by my side. I smile softly and trudge my way to Chise. She jumps onto my side and climbs up to my shoulders, purring up a storm. She and Haku boop noses which is probably one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen. I restrain myself from making an embarrassing noise and focus on the massive herd of animals staring at me. 

I feel my anxiety rise slightly since there were so many eyes on me, granted they’re all animals but animals can be extremely judgemental (have you ever had a staring contest with a goat? It’s not fun trust me). I clear my throat and smile nervously. Am I seriously about to make a speech to a bunch of animals? Why yes, yes I am. What has my life come to?

“Hi everyone. Um, I didn’t know this was happening today so I’m sorry if I mess up and restart my sentences.” Thankfully everyone seems to be paying attention so we gucci. 

“ As you may or may not be aware, soon we’re going to have even more people living at Haven. While that means that the giant green asshole in the sky is going to be closed, it also means that an army of red templars are going to fuck up Haven.” I spot a couple druffalo giving each other what I assume is a concerned look while a few fennecs chirp in distress. 

“Even worse, Eve is going to have to bury Haven in an avalanche to ensure their defeat. That means that you all have to get as far from this place as soon as possible. I don’t want any of you to be buried with Haven.” I breathe deeply to calm my heart which feels like it wants to escape it’s fleshy prison. The last time I did a “speech” was in highschool and I even went over the time limit because I was rambling. When I ramble about topics I like, I tend to kinda space out so I didn’t even notice Chise was gone from my shoulders (I see her paw prints in the snow going off into the forest so she’s probably okay) and Moon is perched on Haku’s head. 

I scratch my neck and smile at everyone. 

“So, would you all be okay with moving soon?” I ask them. There’s a slight pause before the largest druffalo in the herd makes his way to where I’m standing. I hold my breath as he comes face to face with me, but I relax as he huffs into my face. We hold eye contact and eventually he puts his nose to mine and turns back to his herd. He grunts loud and long and soon the herd of druffalo are making their way out of Haven, with the herds of rams following close behind. The fennecs race around my ankles and chase after the rest of the animals. Yeah, this totally doesn’t look suspicious at all. Hopefully no one sees this or else I’m fucked. From Haku’s head, Moon croaks loudly and immediately all the birds that were perched in the trees fly away. 

“Can you lead them somewhere safe?” I ask Moon, who croaks affirmatively and launches herself from Haku. I wave goodbye to them all as they all leave Haven. I let out a relieved breath. At least I was able to hopefully save some souls from Haven’s inevitable destruction. 

I look to where Chise’s paw prints lead to, curious to see where she went. Haku lets me mount him and we make our way through the trees. 

“Hello da’len.” Solas says from his spot under a tree, not looking away from Chise who is staring very intently at him. 

“Uhh, hi?” I respond, taken aback by this very weird image of Solas having a staring contest with a cat. Solas is the first to blink before looking at me as I hop off Haku and walk over to the two. 

“How much did you hear?” I ask him. 

“Only some of the beginning. Care to explain what that was?” Solas asks me. I sigh and shake my head. Solas seems irritated at that but smooths his expression after Chise growls at him. 

“Trust me Solas, I wish I could tell you but I can’t risk anything or else who knows what’ll happen? I don’t want to be the reason everything fucks up.” I don’t say what I wish I could say after that, being “I already was a fuck up back in my old life.” Solas looks at me a long time, which makes me avert eye contact and look at the ground, before he sighs and gets up. I hear him approach and feel his hand land on my head. 

“I understand, da’len. I’m sorry for the burden on your shoulders.” I close my eyes at the contact. Damn, I’m really touch starved aren’t I? 

“Thank you.” I whisper, still staring at the ground. 


	18. In Hushed Whispers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dark Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in the pov of Eve fyi 
> 
> i hope ya'll enjoy!

I gasp and sputter as I hit the flooded floor. I barely hear Dorian land beside me as I stagger to my feet. Looking around, it was obvious we were transported to a prison. Strangely, there didn’t seem to be any guards.

“Displacement? Interesting. It’s probably not what Alexius intended.” Dorian mutters to himself as he smooths his robes. I give him a glance before taking out my sword and shield. 

“Wherever we are, we can’t be safe. There’s red lyrium everywhere here.” I say, eyeing the lyrium with hate. Even beyond the prison’s door the lyrium was glowing brightly. 

“Indeed. The question is, where did Alexius send us? The closest confluence of arcane energy?” Dorian questions, stooping low to look at the growing lyrium. The red lyrium seemed to hum with energy as he got closer. I grab his arm and hauls him away from it. 

“Don’t.” is all I say to him with a scowl, Dorian raises his arms in surrender and looks around the room more.

“If we’re still in the castle then… oh of course! It’s not simply where it’s when! Alexius used the amulet as a focus, it moved us through time.” Dorian concludes with a proud smile. However before I can respond, a new voice joins in on our conversation. 

“Well done.” the voice says, seemingly from everywhere. Dorian and I flinch and look around wildly to find the source. The voice is feminine but distorted, as though there are multiple levels to it. To their shock, the prison door opens and in the entrance of it sits….. a cat?

“What’s a cat doing in a place like this?” Dorian says astonished, “How is it even still alive?” 

The cat has red lyrium growing out of its body, its eyes glowing a sickly red. Regardless of the crystals growing out of its body, it seems to be quite lively and seems amused. I’m hit with recognition. 

“Chise?” I whisper in disbelief. Chise seems to smile and nods her head.

“You know this cat?” Dorian asks me. 

“We are acquainted. She lets my child live comfortably in Haven.” Chise responds in her layered voice. Her eyes seem to glow stronger when she “speaks”. 

“Child?” Dorian asks curiously but is then cut off by my questions. 

“How are you here? What exactly happened?” I ask, desperate for answers. Chise’s expression seems to dampen but she stands up and gestures with her head for them to follow. The two of us look at each other then make their way through the waterlogged floor. 

“Keep your weapons out, there are rifts ahead.” Chise says to us, leading us past two Venetori corpses. They appear to have had their throats torn out. 

“That was your doing, I take it?” Dorian asks, to which his answer is a tail flick. Chise looks back at the humans. 

“To answer your questions Eve, I am here because my child needed me. He was terrified and hurt, so I was there for him. Now I fear the hurt has gotten too strong for him. You must make it so this will never happen.” Chise says emotionlessly. We pass by a cell containing an elf chanting a prayer over and over, seemingly unaware of the things happening around him. 

“That really doesn’t explain how a cat was able to get past the Venetori. Or how you’re able to talk.” Dorian argues. Chise laughs, which was a disturbing sound as it bounced off the walls. She turns her head towards us; we freeze when we see the expression the cat has.

“I will do anything for the safety and happiness of my child.  _ Anything.”  _ Chise growls out. “Everyone suffered the consequences of this blighted world. You must fix it.” she turns and continues her way down the halls. Dorian and I look at each other.

“That cat must be possessed.” I whisper darkly to Dorian. Dorian hums and scratches his chin. 

“Possibly, or perhaps that cat possesses the abilities of a mage. Although I find that unlikely. It is obvious, however, that that cat is more powerful than we thought. Do you know what she means by child by the way?” Dorian asks. I look straight ahead at Chise who is waiting by a door. 

“Remember the boy, Marco, back in the Chantry?” Dorian makes an acknowledging hum and nods his head.

“I take it this is the same cat that was perched on his shoulder?” I nod. 

The moments blur as we see what’s left of Grand Enchanter Fiona and discover they were sent a year into the future. Dorian and Fiona discuss how to get back but I’m focused on Chise. 

“When you say the hurt is too much for him, do you mean..?” I ask, scared to know the answer. Chise gives me a long look and shakes her head.

“He is still alive. But he wishes he wasn’t.” 

Eventually, we find the cells containing Cassandra and Iron Bull. Cassandra tells us the fate of the Inquisition and the fate of the Empress of Orlais to my horror. Iron Bull tells us of the demon army that marched and destroyed everything it touched. They speak of how everyone tried to fight back but were helpless without the mark to close the rifts that appeared. I could barely hear them as I was far too focused on Cassandra and Iron Bull’s appearances. Cassandra had red lyrium growing from her back and her entire left arm was eaten by the lyrium. Her face was covered in infected cuts and bruises with her eyes glowing that slickly red. Iron Bull wasn’t doing any better, his arms nearly eaten completely by red lyrium and even more lyrium growing from where his eye patch used to be. The scent of infection was strong around the both of them; I tried not to gag. 

“Cullen tried to lead an attack against the Elder One, but he was captured and force fed red lyrium. Heard the guards say he bit his tongue and killed himself.” I didn’t know what was worse, the words coming out of Iron Bull’s mouth or the matter-of-fact tone he used. 

“A day ago, there was panic within the guards. Something about Alexius. I couldn’t hear what exactly happened.” Cassandra says. 

“He’s going to wish he was dead.” I say darkly. Dorian kept silent. 

As we made our way through the castle, we discovered the corpse of Leliana shackled to the ceiling of a torture room. Cassandra let out a horrified scream and fell to the floor. 

“Shit…” Bull says, his one eye downcast. Chise says nothing and continues down the hall, not waiting for the party to follow. I glance at Cassandra and move to the table where a key is placed. I unshackles Leliana from the ceiling and gently places her body on the table. I turn to Dorian.

“She deserves a burial.” Dorian nods his head and lifts his staff. I move out of the way and Dorian lights Leliana’s body on fire. Cassandra mutters prayers from her spot on the floor and everything is silent besides the prayers and crackling of fire. I kneel next to Cassandra and try to place my hand on Cassandra’s shoulder to offer comfort but I’m stopped by Dorian.

“Don’t. We don’t know how the red lyrium will affect you if you touch it. Best not to test it.” he whispers to her. I look distressingly at Cassandra but concedes. I can only offer comfort with my presence, which isn’t much. 

Leaving the torture room, we encounter rift after rift in the courtyard. My hand was beginning to sputter and shake as we made our way back into the castle. Dorian offered to relieve the pain with ice but I refused. 

“This is my punishment for failing everyone.” I say with a grim look. 

We catch up to Chise at a grand door in the main hallway. She wasn’t alone however. 

“Demon.” I growled, drawing my sword. 

Leaning against the door was a male desire demon, however instead of purple, it was red. 

“Took you lot long enough to get here.” it says, its voice also distorted. We move to attack but are stopped by Chise. 

“Peace. He is not the enemy.” Cassandra and I both make a noise of disbelief. The demon scoffs.

“You have more to worry about than me. I can practically taste your desire to get the world back.” it says, scratching it’s cheek. I growl. The demon moves from its spot on the wall and opens the large doors, gesturing them to enter like a butler. Chise trots in with no hesitation but the rest of us refuse to move anywhere near the demon. It sighs exasperatedly.

“Oh for the love of-” it doesn’t finish it’s sentence before it follows Chise and looks back at the stunned party. “If you want to get back, I highly suggest you get your asses in here.” 

I look at Dorian skeptical but he only shrugs and gestures towards the door. With a sigh, I nod and guide the party into the throne room. 

The throne room appeared abandoned. The only figures were the demon, Chise, and a small figure at the head of the throne. There was a distant humming, different from the hum of red lyrium. Chise was curled at the figure’s feet, loudly purring. The demon was staring at the figure with sad but fond eyes. As we got closer, I was filled with dread each step of the way. I barely noticed the two corpses next to the throne, seemingly asleep. 

“...Marco?” I called with a small voice, almost praying the figure wouldn’t turn and confirm my fears. But my prayers were ignored. 

The figure turned and familiar shaggy brown hair hid their eyes, but I knew it was indeed Marco. His hands were clenched close to his chest, as though he was trying to hold in his heart. His clothing were just rags that covered his malnourished body. From his chest there was a red glow and I knew he had red lyrium growing there. 

“Eve?” his voice was ragged and distorted similar to Chise. It sounded as though there were multiple voices speaking at the same time. I couldn’t speak, the lump in my throat choking me. Distantly I heard Dorian say something but I could only focus on the boy in front of me. 

“Here.” Marco hands Chise an amulet who in turn trots over to Dorian and gives it to him. I recognise it as the amulet that Alexius used. 

“Excellent, give me an hour and I should be able to recreate the spell used.” Dorian says, turning over the amulet in his hands. Chise growls.

“You can not waste time, I will lend a hand. You must get out of here as fast as possible.” the two set out to work. I barely hear someone approach me. 

“Herald?” Cassandrda’s voice says. I ignored her and stared at Marco who had turned his back to the group once again.

“So you saved them. That’s good.” Marco said in a small voice. “But Eve..” 

I felt a chill go down her spine as Marco slowly turned to look at me.

“Why didn’t you save me?” his voice no longer sounded human. The sound was that of a child, an adult, a demon, nothing human combined. There were tears of what appeared to be blood flowing from under the matted hair. I stepped back into Cassandra.

“Why didn’t you help me Eve? Help me Eve. Help me! Help ME!” he screamed, his voice echoing throughout the hall. I was paralyzed. Marco reached out towards me with a shaking hand but was intercepted by the desire demon, who drew Marco into its arms.

“Shhhh, it’s okay. She’s going to save you soon.” It cooed at him and slowly the shaking stopped. 

I barely heard Dorian shout about the amulet and I barely realised I was being guided towards the newly created rift. The last thing I heard before going back to the past was

_ “I’m sorry for being a burden.”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine Chise speaks like Kitty from Origins, and the song Marco was humming is "bayu bayushki bayu"


	19. Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco lightens the mood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry for being a dick and just not posting, i recently had top surgery and didnt have any motivation ;-;

“Stop being so shite with the bow!” Sera smacked my back as I missed yet another target. I scowled at her.

“It ain’t my fault I have shaky ass hands!” I say exasperatedly. I was grateful Sera was trying to get me better at shooting, but I just couldn’t get the hang of it. Besides, when it comes to “Fight or Flight”, I choose flight because I am  _ Pussy. _

I refrain from making a Gamp Grumps quote as I miss yet another shot, although I hear Sera groan loudly. I turn to her and pout; Sera scowls at me.

“Them puppy eyes don’ work on me, you know that.” I sighed because it was true. The only people who’re susceptible to my puppy eyes are Cullen, Varric (sometimes), Flissa, Blackwall, and Rocky. It probably helps that I finally shaved (with lots of help from Varric) so my baby face is on full display, thank you Asian genes. Sometimes I do wish my chin wasn’t as round though. 

I lower my bow with a sigh. I just can’t get the hang of this damn thing. When I was back in the other world I went to summer camp and did decent archery, but I guess the bows are different from each other enough that it’s harder for me. Or maybe my shaking hands have gotten worse, either of those. I turn to ask Sera if we can go see Blackwall or Krem but instead deadpan at her as she picks her nose without a care. 

“By the way, where the fuck is your Stonks?” Sera asks, flicking her treasure off her finger. 

“Harritt took him.” I say with sadness. Apparently Stonks was ironbark and Harritt wanted to use him for weapons so he kindly asked me if he could take my one love Stonks. Being the kind and generous person I am, I gave him to Harritt. Goodbye Stonks, I will never forget you my love. Sera “Aahh”s and shrugs her shoulders while yawning. 

“Can we go pester Krem? Or Cullen?” I ask Sera, who giggles and skips towards the soldiers. I place the bow by the targets and stretch. I feel my back crack and I sigh in relief, then brace myself on the target as my head starts spinning. This always happens no matter how much iron is in my system. 

“You okay?” I hear someone call. I throw up a thumbs up without looking up, waiting for my eyes to let me see what's in front of me instead of a black void. I stand up straight as the ground stops spinning and stretch my arms as I make my way over to Sera who’s chatting with Krem and Rocky. I jog over quickly, restraining myself from giving Cullen a heart attack by running through the training soldiers. Krem waves me over as I get close enough to hear their conversation. 

“Listen girl, I would love to give you my recipe for antivan fire, but the Chief gave me strict instructions.” Rocky tells Sera who groans loudly.

“Come oooooon! I need it!” Krem scoffs as Sera stomps her foot like a kid. 

“You want to hear a shitty commander impression to make up for it?” I ask Sera, who looks at me, scrunching up her nose.

“Is it an impression of Cully Wully?” she asks. I giggle and shake my head. I liked Cullen enough to not take the piss out of him. Sera frowns a bit at that but then shrugs. I look at Krem and Rocky to see if they want to see it too and to my delight they seem interested. 

“Okay!” I clap my hands and skip a bit in front of them. I clear my throat, straighten my back, and cross my arms behind my back.

“Alright gentlemen!” I begin with an extremely exaggerated british accent, which already has Sera snorting.

“We are the bbbbrrravest and most superior members on this battlefield!” that line got Rocky snorting and had Cullen look over at us in confusion.

“Listen to my sweet, posh upper class accent and you can trust me when I say that I have this position merely because my father was rich and I possess no real military qualities. Please entrust me with your survival!” I finish with flourish.

“Well I’m sold.” Krem says, which makes me break and start wheezing. Sera isn’t any different and Rocky is just chuckling good naturedly. I spie Blackwall making his way back to his sleeping area and wave him over as I get my wheeze under control.

“Hey Blackwall! You wanna hear my shitty Orlesian general impression?” I call out. He pauses for about two seconds then shrugs and comes over to us.

“Oh this is going to be rich” I vaguely hear Sera say as Blackwall stands next to her. He better be a good father figure to her or I swear to God. 

“Okay, I’m just warning you that my accent is going to be incredibly bad.” I warn them. Krem just raises an eyebrow, Sera rubs her hands eagerly, Blackwall looks slightly confused, and Rocky gives me a thumbs up. 

“ Gather around and take a knee!” I start and immediately Sera starts dying from laughter at my god awful french accent.

“Take a knee everybody! You own the biggest penis in Orlais!” that sentence causes Blackwall to cover his mouth, Krem starts snorting, Rocky barks a laugh and Sera is on the ground. 

“Empress Celene loves you! You’re going to come with me, we’re going to kill those pig-dogs, we’re going to take their women, and we’re going to satisfy them! Allons-y! Viva la Orlais” Sera is crying at this point.

“Alright, what’s going on here?” Cullen says coming over. All there is to see is a bunch of grown men and a woman losing their shit. 

“Making fun of Orlais.” I say, wiping the tears from my cheeks. Sera continues to giggle.

“That was focking amazing.” she says from her spot on the ground. Cullen sighs like a disappointed dad. 

“I am surrounded by children.” he says deadpan. Jeez lighten up, ramen head. 

“And don’t you forget it.” I say in a serious voice as I point at him. Rocky gasps exaggeratedly and rushes to me and pushes down my finger.

“Don’t anger the lion boy!” he “whispers” to me. I giggle which causes Cullen to slightly smile. 

“If you must do your impressions, please do them somewhere the soldiers can’t hear you.” he says, gesturing at the training area with his head. I look to see alot of the trainees losing their shit or looking horrified at my language. Oops. 

“I think it’s time for Marco to continue his archery lessons, don’t you think.” Krem you little shit. I give him the finger and run towards Harritt’s forge, ignoring Sera’s “Oi!”. 

The heat of the forge hits my face as I slow to a stop. Many blacksmiths are working hard making the Inquisition armour and weapons. One is making a massive battle axe which I don’t think a human could hold without collapsing (except maybe Cassandra, that woman is a beast). I spot Harritt polishing a chestplate in the back so I make my way to him. I carefully make my way around the people who are sharpening swords and wave to Harritt when he notices me approaching. 

“Hey Harritt, how’re things?” I ask him as he places the chestplate on the table. 

“Going swell. We used up your ironbark stick and made it into some fine handles. Still don’t understand how you didn’t know it was such precious material.” He says getting up from his chair. Listen, in the games ironbark is rare as hell okay? Okay maybe I should have realised Stonks was ironbark but I lack the brain cells okay??

“As long as Stonks was useful, I’m happy.” I tell him with a smile. Harritt grunts and goes to talk to one of the other blacksmiths. I restrain myself from touching the hot metal lying in the fire and make my way out of the smith area. I inhale the crisp air and let out a sigh. I head left and begin to go towards where the trebuchet will be, just wanting to see what the view looks like. I hum a lullaby that I used to sing all the time back in the other world since it was stuck in my head for some reason and look at the trees surrounding the area. 

_ It really is quiet without any of the animals and birds here.  _ I think to myself. Before I get to the top, I hear the bells announcing the arrival of Eve and her group. I spin around and start running towards the stables. 

I really hope they’re okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip Stonks, he will be missed

**Author's Note:**

> if any of ya'll get my jokes/references i love you


End file.
